Aries - This month you are going to find the best engineering job ever. It will involve taking cutting edge technology from the lab to production. Great hours, great pay, lots of benefits. Unfortunately it's filled.
Taurus - This will be an interesting month at work as non-technical HR staff will insist on evaluating applicant engineers' technical qualifications. Hilarity and tragedy soon follow.
Gemini - Your head will explode when, for the millionth time in your long teaching career, students will joke that Taxonomy is the study of taxes.
Cancer - Life at the astronomy museum/observatory will return to normal after all the Ophiuchus and Supermoon nonsense of the past months. Unfortunately the craziness will pick up again as we approach...2012!!!
Leo - Your cat will steal your lunch. Everyday. For the whole month. That's what you get for messing with Mother Nature.
Virgo - You will become a loyal reader of this page after you discover your old horoscope site recycles horoscopes every few months. You will tell everyone at the lab and they will all switch to reading this page.
Libra - You will ask your American colleagues for the umpteenth time why the US won't switch to metric. They will make lame, foolish excuses and hastily change the subject.
Scorpio - This will be a great month! Your team's work will be published for the first time in Advanced Composite Materials Today. Now go tell everyone and jump up and down while screaming excitedly!
Sagittarius - Your pointy-haired boss will refuse to send you to the coming Sustainable Building Materials trade fair. He will instead suggest you go to the Herkimer County Fair. Take his advice.
Capricorn - For the first time you will try to inject humor into your Phylum Onychophora lecture. Shouldn't be too hard.
Aquarius - Despite all your best efforts, the Observer Effect will thwart all your efforts to circumvent it. In frustration you will start a new quest to violate the Second Law of Thermodynamics.
Pisces - You think starting a C++ vs. Java flame-war is clever, but it's not. It will only earn you the ire and contempt of the Computer Science department.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
March 2011 Horoscopes
Aries - This will be an amazing month for you, as your non-geek friends will actually know what your talking about. That's probably because you've stopped using science analogies and Dilbert references. Resist the temptation to try to be cool and talk in chatspeak. It's not cool.
Taurus - Your "free energy" kit will make tons of money on the Internet this month. People from all over the world will send money to download your diagrams and instructions. Next month they'll find out what every other scientist and engineer already knows: it won't work.
Gemini - Your wit and charm will be at their height this month. People will hang on your every word, so much so that your presentation on the Cellular Development of Cynodon Dactylon in Discrete Time Increments will be a smash YouTube hit. This will make your boss envious. He will unsuccessfully try to cut your funding.
Cancer - Focusing on your inner self and getting in touch with your untapped energies will release feelings of balance and serenity. This will open unexplored paths and avenues in your mind bringing new and unexpected perspectives. In other words, you'll find what's bugging your oscillator circuit design.
Leo - This will be a big month for your love life but you need to be careful. People will be attracted to your youthful enthusiasm and obviously superior analytical skills. This month you'll meet someone from the Linguistics department. You'll hit it off, if you can get over the fact that he's better than you at Sudoku.
Virgo - Have you heard the saying "Two heads are better than one"? This month if you're not careful in the Biochemistry lab you might actually find out if it's true...
Libra - This month after a lot of hard work you will earn your PhD in Physics and Astronomy. All your non-scientist friends and family will throw a big party for you. During this party they will keep asking you for love, career, and money advice "since you're a big-shot astronomical doctor now". Direct them to this webpage.
Scorpio - You're going to have a lot of energy this month. Every new thing will seem very exciting, and you're going to start a hundred new personal projects. Try to complete at least some of them. And don't let "work" get in the way of your new hobbies. Ignore that last sentence.
Sagittarius - You need to spend more time out of the lab. Go travel and enjoy the outdoors, you know, that giant room with a blue ceiling. Resist the urge to collect fungi samples, remember, you're on vacation!
Capricorn - All you'll get from your students this month are blank stares and confused faces. I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say. Try not to tear your hair out.
Aquarius - This month will see you at the height of your powers in the Black Art of RF Engineering and Antenna Design. Your colleagues will be in awe of you as you demonstrate your mastery of wave propagation. Enjoy it while it lasts, as the electromagnetic wave is a fickle mistress.
Pisces - Your non-scientist roommate will drive you crazy by insisting on the "Apollo-astronauts'-heavy-boots-theory". You will spend all night trying to convince him it's wrong, but he will stubbornly refuse to listen to reason. Even more infuriating, after hours of discussion he will wave his hand and dismiss you with a "Okay, whatever. You win".
Taurus - Your "free energy" kit will make tons of money on the Internet this month. People from all over the world will send money to download your diagrams and instructions. Next month they'll find out what every other scientist and engineer already knows: it won't work.
Gemini - Your wit and charm will be at their height this month. People will hang on your every word, so much so that your presentation on the Cellular Development of Cynodon Dactylon in Discrete Time Increments will be a smash YouTube hit. This will make your boss envious. He will unsuccessfully try to cut your funding.
Cancer - Focusing on your inner self and getting in touch with your untapped energies will release feelings of balance and serenity. This will open unexplored paths and avenues in your mind bringing new and unexpected perspectives. In other words, you'll find what's bugging your oscillator circuit design.
Leo - This will be a big month for your love life but you need to be careful. People will be attracted to your youthful enthusiasm and obviously superior analytical skills. This month you'll meet someone from the Linguistics department. You'll hit it off, if you can get over the fact that he's better than you at Sudoku.
Virgo - Have you heard the saying "Two heads are better than one"? This month if you're not careful in the Biochemistry lab you might actually find out if it's true...
Libra - This month after a lot of hard work you will earn your PhD in Physics and Astronomy. All your non-scientist friends and family will throw a big party for you. During this party they will keep asking you for love, career, and money advice "since you're a big-shot astronomical doctor now". Direct them to this webpage.
Scorpio - You're going to have a lot of energy this month. Every new thing will seem very exciting, and you're going to start a hundred new personal projects. Try to complete at least some of them. And don't let "work" get in the way of your new hobbies. Ignore that last sentence.
Sagittarius - You need to spend more time out of the lab. Go travel and enjoy the outdoors, you know, that giant room with a blue ceiling. Resist the urge to collect fungi samples, remember, you're on vacation!
Capricorn - All you'll get from your students this month are blank stares and confused faces. I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say. Try not to tear your hair out.
Aquarius - This month will see you at the height of your powers in the Black Art of RF Engineering and Antenna Design. Your colleagues will be in awe of you as you demonstrate your mastery of wave propagation. Enjoy it while it lasts, as the electromagnetic wave is a fickle mistress.
Pisces - Your non-scientist roommate will drive you crazy by insisting on the "Apollo-astronauts'-heavy-boots-theory". You will spend all night trying to convince him it's wrong, but he will stubbornly refuse to listen to reason. Even more infuriating, after hours of discussion he will wave his hand and dismiss you with a "Okay, whatever. You win".
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
February 2011 Horoscopes
Aries - This is a great month to socialize. You will realize you don't have a monopoly on strange interests. You may, for example, discover fellow Jar-Jar Binks fans.
Taurus - Be especially careful at work this month. Someone's jealous of the attention your paper "Breaking the Second Law" received. Also try to spend more time with your family. You know, those people living in your house?
Gemini - Slow and steady is the way to go. Take time to enjoy your new hobby and learn it slowly. Remember, cooking is not like Calculus, you can't cram and learn it overnight.
Cancer - This month you will get into a heated debate. You and the rival research team will argue about the nature of the formula for making money grow on trees. Unfortunately, you will lose.
Leo - January's career success will continue this month. Those years of reading equipment manuals, data sheets, and application notes for fun are beginning to pay off.
Virgo - You will feel bored and listless at work this month. You do need to relax, but you might be tempted to take it to an extreme. As a result you will rediscover Tetris on the old HP oscilloscopes.
Libra - This is a good time to start that blog you've been planning for the past two years. Write what you know, you'd be surprised by how many people are interested in protein-folding.
Scorpio - Your efforts will be rewarded this month. The people around you will finally understand (and realize the correctness of) the last, crucial part of your new engine-cooling design. Don't let it go to your head.
Sagittarius - Remember to backup your files this month. Save copies on the server, local hard drive, a flash drive, and a DVD. That way you won't be tempted to beat up the IT guys when their late-night downloads and LAN games hose the entire network.
Capricorn - Your brilliant cost-cutting, job-saving measures will make you very popular at work this month. Just make sure to triple-check the factors of safety on the structural changes you proposed!
Aquarius - This is going to be a relatively stress-free month. None of your pens or markers will go missing, and the EMI testing chamber will actually be available to use for the whole month.
Pisces - You will have a totally unscientific hunch about a co-worker this month. You will begin to suspect that the new Math instructor likes you. You'd be wrong.
Taurus - Be especially careful at work this month. Someone's jealous of the attention your paper "Breaking the Second Law" received. Also try to spend more time with your family. You know, those people living in your house?
Gemini - Slow and steady is the way to go. Take time to enjoy your new hobby and learn it slowly. Remember, cooking is not like Calculus, you can't cram and learn it overnight.
Cancer - This month you will get into a heated debate. You and the rival research team will argue about the nature of the formula for making money grow on trees. Unfortunately, you will lose.
Leo - January's career success will continue this month. Those years of reading equipment manuals, data sheets, and application notes for fun are beginning to pay off.
Virgo - You will feel bored and listless at work this month. You do need to relax, but you might be tempted to take it to an extreme. As a result you will rediscover Tetris on the old HP oscilloscopes.
Libra - This is a good time to start that blog you've been planning for the past two years. Write what you know, you'd be surprised by how many people are interested in protein-folding.
Scorpio - Your efforts will be rewarded this month. The people around you will finally understand (and realize the correctness of) the last, crucial part of your new engine-cooling design. Don't let it go to your head.
Sagittarius - Remember to backup your files this month. Save copies on the server, local hard drive, a flash drive, and a DVD. That way you won't be tempted to beat up the IT guys when their late-night downloads and LAN games hose the entire network.
Capricorn - Your brilliant cost-cutting, job-saving measures will make you very popular at work this month. Just make sure to triple-check the factors of safety on the structural changes you proposed!
Aquarius - This is going to be a relatively stress-free month. None of your pens or markers will go missing, and the EMI testing chamber will actually be available to use for the whole month.
Pisces - You will have a totally unscientific hunch about a co-worker this month. You will begin to suspect that the new Math instructor likes you. You'd be wrong.
Friday, April 1, 2011
January 2011 Horoscopes
Aries - This is your lucky month! Everything is going to pick up, from your research to your home life to your relationships with your lab mates. This is an auspicious time to submit your papers for publication.Try doing around 20 this month.
Taurus - This is a good time to attend all those industry seminars and conferences your boss doesn't want to pay for. You could possibly meet someone significant at one of these events. If you do attend, don't forget to bring that shiny new Android phone you got for Christmas.
Gemini - Be careful with money this month. Those cocky new junior engineers will all be clamoring for new 'scopes they saw on the Internet. Don't give them a dime. But try not to look too much like a pointy-haired boss.
Cancer - Your research is going swimmingly, but you've neglected the people around you. Maybe you've been hogging the lab's only chemistry analyzer. Or maybe you're just not nice to people. In any case, try to be more pleasant.
Leo - You're a hot item at the office right now. Those new designs you did the past year have everyone buzzing. They expect more of the same this month. Surprise them with something revolutionary. A totally new power supply topology perhaps, or a programming paradigm that will knock the socks off OOP.
Virgo - Forget work for a while. Well, not totally forget it, the call of the lab is irresistible. Just try to have a little more fun, rediscover an old hobby or pick up a new one. For example, try doing calculations and word games on license plate numbers. When you're not driving of course. Creative activities will help your home, social and professional life.
Libra - You are going to meet someone new this month who will be full of ideas. Try to borrow as much of them as you can. Ask nicely, and learn everything you can. You just might win a joint Nobel Prize. Or not.
Scorpio - Your co-workers think you are aloof, though you're probably just deep in thought. What you have to think about so intensely I have no idea. Lighten up a little and pay more attention to your surroundings. Maybe then you wouldn't forget as often where you left your calculator.
Sagittarius - Budget cuts are coming, budget cuts are coming! Don't worry, your job isn't in danger, but your boss is making worrisome looks at your pet project. You will need all the wit and charm you possess to convince her time travel is practically and commercially viable.
Capricorn - All your long hours, hard work, and sacrifice will finally pay off this month when you pass the entire Physics and Civil Engineering departments on the Starcraft leaderboards. Unfortunately, there is a small but distinct possibility that a problem in the servers will wipe away those results. Advice: Take screenshots.
Aquarius - The IT guys will do a network audit this month. Lie low on the downloads for a while. There is some actual work leftover from last year waiting on your desk. Come on, those new EMI Filters won't characterize themselves.
Pisces - You will be given more responsibilities at work this month. Whether that brings a raise with it is anyone's guess. The good news is your influence is growing. The bad news is that annoying intern who broke the copier last month now reports to you. Keep him away from sensitive equipment.
Taurus - This is a good time to attend all those industry seminars and conferences your boss doesn't want to pay for. You could possibly meet someone significant at one of these events. If you do attend, don't forget to bring that shiny new Android phone you got for Christmas.
Gemini - Be careful with money this month. Those cocky new junior engineers will all be clamoring for new 'scopes they saw on the Internet. Don't give them a dime. But try not to look too much like a pointy-haired boss.
Cancer - Your research is going swimmingly, but you've neglected the people around you. Maybe you've been hogging the lab's only chemistry analyzer. Or maybe you're just not nice to people. In any case, try to be more pleasant.
Leo - You're a hot item at the office right now. Those new designs you did the past year have everyone buzzing. They expect more of the same this month. Surprise them with something revolutionary. A totally new power supply topology perhaps, or a programming paradigm that will knock the socks off OOP.
Virgo - Forget work for a while. Well, not totally forget it, the call of the lab is irresistible. Just try to have a little more fun, rediscover an old hobby or pick up a new one. For example, try doing calculations and word games on license plate numbers. When you're not driving of course. Creative activities will help your home, social and professional life.
Libra - You are going to meet someone new this month who will be full of ideas. Try to borrow as much of them as you can. Ask nicely, and learn everything you can. You just might win a joint Nobel Prize. Or not.
Scorpio - Your co-workers think you are aloof, though you're probably just deep in thought. What you have to think about so intensely I have no idea. Lighten up a little and pay more attention to your surroundings. Maybe then you wouldn't forget as often where you left your calculator.
Sagittarius - Budget cuts are coming, budget cuts are coming! Don't worry, your job isn't in danger, but your boss is making worrisome looks at your pet project. You will need all the wit and charm you possess to convince her time travel is practically and commercially viable.
Capricorn - All your long hours, hard work, and sacrifice will finally pay off this month when you pass the entire Physics and Civil Engineering departments on the Starcraft leaderboards. Unfortunately, there is a small but distinct possibility that a problem in the servers will wipe away those results. Advice: Take screenshots.
Aquarius - The IT guys will do a network audit this month. Lie low on the downloads for a while. There is some actual work leftover from last year waiting on your desk. Come on, those new EMI Filters won't characterize themselves.
Pisces - You will be given more responsibilities at work this month. Whether that brings a raise with it is anyone's guess. The good news is your influence is growing. The bad news is that annoying intern who broke the copier last month now reports to you. Keep him away from sensitive equipment.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)